I got dumped on Valentines day...at work...on my lunch break.
How's that a line to start off with. As much as it sucks, its for the better. Its a force that's pushing my ideas a little further, my work a little more detailed, and oh the passion. Its a lovely thing to have that feeling back in me once again just as strong as I can remember it.
Normally when I get dumped, which is the case most of the time, I go one of two ways. There's sad emo M. The withdrawn, frown faced, guy who lets his appearance go with his heart. Lots of Taking Back Sunday, Cute Is What We Aim For, Atmosphere, and Sage Francis. The other is outgoing M. Wants to party with friends, go out and do different things, or just pretty much be social. All the confidence in the world and with the outward appearance of being ok. Both are fractured creatures lost in this world that has suddenly crashed down around them. I've ran from problems, changed lives, jobs, careers. I've ignored them watching them pile up around me. I've stood up to them and conquered my challenges.
Their connection is the nagging self doubt that comes from a hard breakup. The questioning of every little thing you can possibly think in where you could have been nicer. Where you could have said something different, been more open, more anything. It infects your thoughts and makes you question everything you do. It's intense in the kitchen sometimes. Spattering oil from a hot saute pan, stuff flying in and out of ovens, sharp objects everywhere. I start to question is this what I wanna be around for the rest of my life?
Self doubt leads to lagging and zoning in the whirlwind that is the rush. I can feel the walls start to crumble down as I hear the familiar sound of hierarchy in the kitchen. "Get over it. You really gonna let her get to you enough to send that out?" Ry says with a knowing smirk. Pride flares up again and it pushes me out of the rubble. With that same questioning smirk, he goes over to the ipod and changes albums. Makedamnsure by Taking Back Sunday is played as he walks away. Next is F*ck You Lucy by Atmosphere, Risque by Cute Is What We Aim For, Rewrite by Sage Francis, Boys Night Out, and a whole slew of bands that lyrics know how to pluck my heartstrings. Ry looks back again at the end of the rush and says, "Get over it man."
The smirk is gone and those words come from the heart. Shawnie looks over from hotside and says, "Bobo no like sad Mari." After work we share a few drinks and I can honestly say its not that bad. The bond that has grown warring together in the back has brought us closer then any other group of people I've had the joy of working with. None of my chain kitchen work, bakery, deli, management, retail, or any other jobs have made this connection of family to me. It pains me to see them feeling my pain. For that I know Ill get over this soon.
And that's how I know I'm right where I'm supposed to be.
5 years ago